Week 7 Marriage and Kids

Who is more likely to marry? Educated and Religious people. In my opinion, if educated people are more likely to marry than other people, then doesn't it suggest that marriage is a good idea? If only people could realize this. Sadly some people are afraid of what getting married will entail (such as how will I provide? What if I ask and I'm rejected?). Also some people view cohabitation as an alternative or as something that will lead to marriage but doesn't up doing so. Another problem is the marriage squeeze (although there are a lot of guys and girls in the world, doesn't mean that you would want to marry them all. Not to mention age differences and other factors).
Something else that is interesting is that marriage satisfaction seems to decline a bit as each child is born and slowly raise as each kids leaves, until it levels off when all kids are gone. Some of the causes of this are: increased decision making, lack of sleep and physical demands, not feeling appreciated/loved, being thrown off-balance, and new learning and adjusting. However, we should remember that having stresses doesn't automatically pull people apart. It may be the natural thing, but we aren't trying to follow what is natural. We don't have to let our marriage satisfaction drop so much. We can still keep the love alive in our marriage if we put forth the effort and time.

Week 6: Dating and a little on Cohabiting

Dating. What is something you think of when you hear this term? Do you think of meeting someone and quickly becoming close to them if you like them? Moving to Boyfriend/girlfriend and ‘dating’ each other until you both realize it isn't working out? If so, you aren't alone. However, this isn't what dating is meant to be.

There are three “P’s” that do a great job at describing what “dating” should include. They are: planned, paid for, and paired off. These things make something a date. A date should include commitment and work. It should be more personal than hanging out. Dating is something that should help prepare you for marriage. For example, if a boy asks a girl out on a date and plans it, pays for it, and pairs off with just her, he is helping prepare himself for when he’ll be a husband and need to preside, provide, , and protect.

Sadly many people today “hang out” or “hook up” instead of date. Many people have forgotten the benefits of dating. We should remember that it helps us get to know the person better, helps fulfill intimacy needs (I’m more so focusing on emotional since we shouldn't be very physical), allows people to have companionship, helps you become better at socializing, helps you learn what you do and don’t’ like, and can help you find a mate (dating does more than this, these are just a few examples).

Quick question: How do you get to know a person? The Know-Quo formula can help us find the answer. It says that 3 “T’s”, added together, help us know a person. This is our formula:

Talk

Togetherness

+ Time

____________

Know

Notice this doesn't include “touch” as one of the “T’s”? Why do you think that is? Let’s take a look by looking at the Relationship Attachment Model. This model says that we attach to people in different ways. These ways are, knowing them, trusting them, relying on them, being committed to them, and through touch. This model says that we shouldn’t trust someone more than we know them, we shouldn’t rely on someone more than we trust them, and etc. “Touch” is last in this line. We should have built up everything first before we start touching someone and becoming very physical. Why is that? Because, by touching someone we gain a false sense that we know them, can trust them, and can rely on them. Our minds become clouded. Just think for a moment, haven’t you seen this happen to someone you know? Have you experienced it yourself? If we want to keep a clear mind and not confuse ourselves or get into a situation we don’t like, we should keep the touching to a minimum.

One last thought I would like to add to this entry. It is about cohabiting. Though people originally thought that cohabiting would better help prepare people for marriage it never has. Multiple studies have been done and not a single benefit has been found. At best it will do nothing, but more commonly it will do harm. Those who cohabit are more likely to divorce, contrary to what people believed. 

WEEK 5: GENDER ROLES AND HOMOSEXUALS

The discussions we had this week were great. First of all we talked about gender roles. As much as some people would like to believe that men and woman are the same, THEY AREN NOT. We are different for a reason. We have different roles to fill and we help complete each other. If everyone was the same the world would be boring.

I for one and so grateful that guys and girls are different. I recently got married and have blessed, because my husband can do some things much more easily than I can (setting up a desk, hooking up the TV and computer, setting up a bookshelf, setting up our futon, etc.)My parents are divorced and I lived with my mom. I saw her struggle to do many things that just come so much more easily to most guys. I’m no able to reap the benefits of having a guy in the home.

Our decision for this Friday was about homosexual couples. Like most people I thought some people were just born that way. However, after watching a video, reading a chapter from a book, and discussing the topic in class, I no longer think so. I believe the ENVIRONMENT is what has the greatest effect. As a typical example, a boy is more drawn and better at behaviors that are considered feminine. Other guys his age don’t accept him and may even tease him so he hangs out with more girls. When the time comes for girls and guys to be drawn to the opposite sex this guy is already used to girls. Instead, guys seem more mysterious. If they feel any confirmation that they are attracted to a guy they will think, “oh, I’m gay.” This is most common when someone has been sexually abused. It will normally be then that they realized, “oh, I’m gay.” Also, ‘gay’ people tend to come from families were the mother was overly involved and the father wasn’t involved enough.

If only more people could realize that genetics hasn’t proven that people are born gay. If only ‘gay’ people could realize that they don’t have to be. They aren’t stuck that way because of genetics. I wish more people were aware of the environmental effects.