Week 6: Dating and a little on Cohabiting

Dating. What is something you think of when you hear this term? Do you think of meeting someone and quickly becoming close to them if you like them? Moving to Boyfriend/girlfriend and ‘dating’ each other until you both realize it isn't working out? If so, you aren't alone. However, this isn't what dating is meant to be.

There are three “P’s” that do a great job at describing what “dating” should include. They are: planned, paid for, and paired off. These things make something a date. A date should include commitment and work. It should be more personal than hanging out. Dating is something that should help prepare you for marriage. For example, if a boy asks a girl out on a date and plans it, pays for it, and pairs off with just her, he is helping prepare himself for when he’ll be a husband and need to preside, provide, , and protect.

Sadly many people today “hang out” or “hook up” instead of date. Many people have forgotten the benefits of dating. We should remember that it helps us get to know the person better, helps fulfill intimacy needs (I’m more so focusing on emotional since we shouldn't be very physical), allows people to have companionship, helps you become better at socializing, helps you learn what you do and don’t’ like, and can help you find a mate (dating does more than this, these are just a few examples).

Quick question: How do you get to know a person? The Know-Quo formula can help us find the answer. It says that 3 “T’s”, added together, help us know a person. This is our formula:

Talk

Togetherness

+ Time

____________

Know

Notice this doesn't include “touch” as one of the “T’s”? Why do you think that is? Let’s take a look by looking at the Relationship Attachment Model. This model says that we attach to people in different ways. These ways are, knowing them, trusting them, relying on them, being committed to them, and through touch. This model says that we shouldn’t trust someone more than we know them, we shouldn’t rely on someone more than we trust them, and etc. “Touch” is last in this line. We should have built up everything first before we start touching someone and becoming very physical. Why is that? Because, by touching someone we gain a false sense that we know them, can trust them, and can rely on them. Our minds become clouded. Just think for a moment, haven’t you seen this happen to someone you know? Have you experienced it yourself? If we want to keep a clear mind and not confuse ourselves or get into a situation we don’t like, we should keep the touching to a minimum.

One last thought I would like to add to this entry. It is about cohabiting. Though people originally thought that cohabiting would better help prepare people for marriage it never has. Multiple studies have been done and not a single benefit has been found. At best it will do nothing, but more commonly it will do harm. Those who cohabit are more likely to divorce, contrary to what people believed.