Week 10 Communication

When we communicate we go through a process. First we start with our thoughts and feelings which we encode, we then use a media (words, tone, nonverbal), then the person we're talking to decodes it and has their own thoughts and feelings. During this process something can go wrong and we end up understanding something wrong or the other person doesn't understand. Can you remember a time when that happened to you? We all have.
Let's look at media a little more closely. Did you know that only about 14% of our message goes through our words? 35% goes through tone and 51% (slightly over half!) goes through nonverbal! Just for a moment think about all the ways you can say "I love you". You can say it sarcastically, without emotion, with deep emotion, with surprise, with anger, with joy, etc. To yourself try saying it in different ways. What did you notice? Though your saying the same thing you are sending a different message. And why is that? Because of the tone you are using. Your tone sends different messages. People are more likely to believe your tone than the actual words you are saying.
There are different nonverbal cues we can give. Our face expression  body language, and even eye contact can tell someone something. However, they may not tell the person what we intended! Can you think of a time when someone miss read a nonverbal cue you used? Can you think of a time that you miss read a nonverbal cue someone gave? For example, someone who is shy might not look someone in the eye. The person they are talking to might not read this as them being shy, but may think that they aren't paying attention, don't care what they are talking about, are mad at them and don't want to look at them, etc. Because of this we should try to be aware of the nonverbal cues we are using.
With all these problems with communication no wonder we can get mad at someone and they don't know why. But how can we fix this? Well, first to to clarify what you mean, give feed back, and don't talk around the main issue, but address it. If you aren't sure that your understanding someone then ask them, "Is that what you meant... (fill in blank)?" Many times we get mad, I believe, it's because their was a problem somewhere in our communication. That is why it's important to ask and clarify. Also, normally there is a bigger underlying issue to why we're mad. It normally isn't just because of one irritating thing. Maybe feel irritated because a guy didn't put down the toilet seat. We approach the guy and yell at them for it, but what is the underlying issue? Is it that we feel like he thinks he as certain privileged that are unfair? We should try to figure out our underlying reason for being mad and address it.
Remember that good communication takes practice. It's something we can all learn though! Just remember to be aware of it and that there often are mistakes made when trying to communicate. Try to be patient and willing to listen so you can fix these problems :)